I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You are the jesus of drinking
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
