Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
