I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
