just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
it hurts more in the daytime
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
