could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize