You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
