She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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