my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
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the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
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I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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