Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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