My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
