You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
