remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
