So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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