So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
