I'm jealous of your bromance
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize