Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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