She announced her abortion via fbk
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
