hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
