I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
