Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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