Midget sex pt 2 tonight
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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