I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
farters have to be the big spoon...
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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