I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
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Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
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I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize