sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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