I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
