nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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