So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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