I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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