can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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