Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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