...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
