Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I am one with the molecules
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
