OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
