I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
