I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
