Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Operation Purity has been aborted
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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