Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
