you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
