you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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