Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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