I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
