how do flat chested girls get laid?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
foreskin is a definite game changer
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
