So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
