i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
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Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
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Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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