He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize