why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
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What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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