I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
