And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
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I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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