Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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