I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
