fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
