remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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