we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
