there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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