i think i have herpe
just one?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I understand Curling. That high.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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