my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
