I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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