So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Sext me about skeletons
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
