508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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