I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
