oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize