why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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