the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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Randomize
