Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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