I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
When did angry sex become our thing?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
