I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
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Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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