I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
