I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
