I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
