she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
