That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
