The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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