I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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