We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
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You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
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I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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