Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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