Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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