she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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