I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
