Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
