Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
