how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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