Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
