i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
