i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
