I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
